This entry has been marked as irrelevant. :(
Even though I had a lot of fun writing this. Google has done a really great job taking that dead urchin and making it into something that I use on occasion. Analytics is turning into an awesome service. So this entry is irrelevant since it no longer reflects my sentiments towards the service.
This is the story of a guy and Google. Well, not the company. Well, more like a dream that said guy had about said company. The dream is a play, and the guy’s not a playwright, so try and enjoy it. :)
Bryan: Hi Google, how are you today? Google: Fine Bryan, nice of you to come by our campus, have you tried our meal of the day? Bryan: Nope, actually, I was interested in trying out that new stat software you guys released, since I’m a stats whore and all.
* Bryan then sports his Measure Map and Mint tattoos. Google gets jealous.
Google: Oh, you mean Analytics? Sure!
* Google picks up a sea urchin and places it in Bryan’s hands.
Google: Here you go. Just place this on the top of your website, wait 12 hours and we’ll start giving you stats on your ads. Bryan: But I don’t run any ads. Google: Well, we’ll still have mighty tasty information to give you, so go do that and come back for the beef. Bryan: Well, you are Google, so you can’t go wrong with that.
* Bryan happily takes the urchin to his car, drives home, places it on his website and waits 12 hours. Jen starts complaining of the smell.
Bryan: Hmm… something’s starting to stink.
* Bryan waits another 24 hours. His cats start hissing at the urchin.
Bryan: God damnit, this thing does stink. Shit, and it hasn’t done anything yet. I’m going to take it back.
* Bryan goes back to Mountain View and looks for Google. To his dismay, he comes by the Google campus to find that nobody’s there. Holding this piece of shit urchin, he then takes a Segway around the campus only to find that they have abandoned the urchins for something called “base.” He finally takes the urchin, and pelts it towards the direction of the cafeteria, so the Googlers can have it for lunch when they get back.
Moral of the story, don’t release a dead urchin when they were perfectly good alive.
