Over the past year and a half, I’ve mostly ignored Avalonstar. Mostly, because I’ve had no idea what to do with it.
This isn’t despite a lack of ideas though, I went through 2012 utterly determined that I would change Avalonstar into something of a video network with streaming and weekly videos. Like many of my plans with this place, it never did come to fruition because of doubt.
Doubt that I was a viable enough host. Doubt that people would watch. Doubt that I was interesting enough. Doubt that I looked the part.
Doubt is the yang to my ambition’s yin.
The world around me has changed rapildy in the past two years and I’ve struggled to keep up. There are a lot of things that I’ve wanted to talk about that I’ve been afraid to address. Avalonstar has carried this stigma around it since it became “a thing” in 2005.
So humor me while I try another experiment:
Write about what you feel, and have an honest conversation with yourself about it. Crack the vulnerability open a little bit. Watch for the flood gates. Let the floods come. Have some fucking feelings, and roll around with them.
I am going to attempt to write for myself, in a vacuum. It’s harder than it sounds. I mean, how many posts have I written in the last half-decade? ;)
Avalonstar will again become the journal it once was while I was in college, where the posts held personal significance. A lot has happened, and I want to remember it. If something I write happens to touch somebody in some way, great. However, I can’t let that be my reason for writing. If anything, that was the reason I stopped.