logo
The entry below is classified as a LEGACY post, meaning that it was written (well) before the current version of Avalonstar was released. Although these posts have survived the numerous moves over years, there is no guarantee that they've survived the trip unscathed (especially the links).
LEGACY–

Google Analytics (The Play)

Bryan
Hi Google, how are you today?
Google:
Fine Bryan, nice of you to come by our campus, have you tried our meal of the day?
Bryan
Nope, actually, I was interested in trying out that new stat software you guys released, since I'm a stats whore and all.
_* Bryan then sports his Measure Map and Mint tattoos. Google gets jealous._
Google
Oh, you mean Analytics? Sure!
_* Google picks up a sea urchin and places it in Bryan's hands._
Google
Here you go. Just place this on the top of your website, wait 12 hours and we'll start giving you stats on your ads.
Bryan
But I don't run any ads.
Google
Well, we'll still have mighty tasty information to give you, so go do that and come back for the beef.
Bryan
Well, you are Google, so you can't go wrong with that.
_* Bryan happily takes the urchin to his car, drives home, places it on his website and waits 12 hours. Jen starts complaining of the smell._
Bryan
Hmm... something's starting to stink.
_* Bryan waits another 24 hours. His cats start hissing at the urchin._
Bryan
God damnit, this thing does stink. Shit, and it hasn't done anything yet. I'm going to take it back.
_* Bryan goes back to Mountain View and looks for Google. To his dismay, he comes by the Google campus to find that nobody's there. Holding this piece of shit urchin, he then takes a Segway around the campus only to find that they have abandoned the urchins for something called "base." He finally takes the urchin, and pelts it towards the direction of the cafeteria, so the Googlers can have it for lunch when they get back._

Moral of the story, don't release a dead urchin when they were perfectly good alive.

logo
Avalonstar is the 22-year-old personal website of Bryan Veloso: content creator, retired professional user interface designer, and compass of purpose.
FacebookGitHubInstagramTwitchTwitterYouTube
© 2000–2023 Avalonstar. “Avalonstar” is a registered trademark of Avalonstar, Inc. All rights reserved.
Remember the ;