Google Pack (The Play)

So I saw this next piece of domination software that Google released yesterday. “Pack of bovine with mad cow disease” I think it’s called.

* In comes Paul Stamatiou. Since he was the first guy to comment on the last play, he’s been cast in this one. The following lines aren’t by him and probably contains things he’d never say.

Look at this. Essential, Simple, Customizable and Up to Date. Up to date my ass, it doesn’t even work for Mac. I’m going to have to go ask them about this.

* So for the first time since November, Bryan takes a trip to the Google campus. Upon arriving, he sees Google playing beach volleyball. Bryan, not feeling very Google at the moment, runs to the other side of the net and spikes an incoming ball into the Google’s face. Bryan then walks up to the battered Google.

Christ, what was that for? I put you guys as my home page, and this is the thanks I get? I don’t even use the dictionary anymore, I just type the words in the box - and this is what I get? Come on, give me a Mac version and I’ll try it out for christ’s sake.

Sorry. I don’t know what came over me. (as he gives the stick back to one of Gates’ elite guard ninja things, who quickly runs away) Well, I do have something here for you.

* So, “clubbed in the face” Bryan leaves “spiked ball in the face” Google alone and goes back to his house. Once again, as with any new Google product, his cats hiss at him as he walks through the door. He wiggles the Google rat in front of their faces to scare them away and proceeds to go to his computer. He installs both programs and then runs the updater.

“Now installing the first potent virus for your piece of shit”, “Hahah, you can’t stop us from ruling the world.”, “We now have full control of your computer.”, “Proceeding to download midget porn so your fiance will dump you.”, “You remember your car? Yeah, we control that too.

* Bryan presses the off button in panic and then cuts power to it, but the messages are still on the screen.

* Bryan then says goodbye as he throws his computer out the window, only to notice that he sees a massacre outside his window, as angry wives are throwing the computers at their husbands for apparently downloading midget porn.

* Bryan then gets spotted by one of Google Earth’s satellites, and then zapped by the Google Ray Beta. Nobody ever sees or hears from him again.